LOVE ABBY – I have a dilemma. My 33 year old friend keeps pestering me to see me. We live 15 miles apart.
I am a 60 year old man in pretty good health. Before this pandemic, I worked out at a gym every day and I'm still at home now. Every day he asks me either to visit or if he can come here. Because of this on-site consultation, I told him that I was at a higher risk due to my age. Then he tries to make me guilty by saying things like, "We're both fine; don't worry," and "OK. Fine! This is the last time I'll ask. See you next month. " . MAYBE."
The thing is, he's a nurse in a hospital. I live with two roommates who are also over 60 years old and I do not want to endanger them or my life situation. Am I doing the right thing? What are the risks if I decide to visit him?
Uncomfortable in the west
LOVE SIMPLE – You do the smart thing. What your friend suggests is risky. Since you may not want to risk exposing your roommates to COVID-19, you cannot travel back and forth.
In my opinion, your friend has a moral and ethical responsibility not to put YOU at risk. Here in Los Angeles, some hospital workers living in multi-generational households have agreed to live apart from their loved ones during this crisis to prevent their families from potentially exposure to the virus – an agreement that in some cases lasts for months .
If your friend was worried about your wellbeing, he wouldn't try to find you guilty or threaten you to see him. If you agree to visit him and proceed, find an apartment to live in alone and only visit your roommates if they have been tested and quarantined beforehand.
LOVE ABBY – My 50-year-old estranged daughter-in-law was abused by her adult brother and her father defends the perpetrator, which upsets her immensely. I am friends with her father because he was nice to me, and this revelation was news to me.
My daughter-in-law emailed me and others saying how hurt she is. I would like to answer, but since I am friends with her father, I am not sure what to say. I want to tell her that I am very sorry that she was abused because it is extremely traumatic. Do you have any advice for me
I love my son and his family and I don't understand how things turned out between us. They no longer talk to me or let me (or my wife) have a relationship with my grandchildren who we love very much.
Injured father-in-law in Texas
LOVE INJURY – It is not surprising that your son and daughter-in-law have now become estranged from you and do not want you around their children. Things worked out this way because you made your friendship with the father who defended your abuser as high a priority as your relationship with your daughter-in-law. While you understand that what happened to her was traumatic, you seem unable to understand how painful it was for her. By advocating for the wrong person for being nice to you, you have increased their trauma.
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